Pan-India NRC is a Pandora’s Box of Blunders!

Except for satiating your hunger for Muslim bashing, NRC doesn’t offer anything of value.

Credits: Satish Acharya (@satishacharya)

If you are not living beneath a rock, you may have already heard about it. The NRC and CAA. But ask any casual man on the street with an opinion. What does he/she make of it? What do they think it does?

Most won’t have a clear answer. ‘Coz let’s face it. Knowing isn’t sexy. Especially not in India of today. But some might have an answer. What will CAA do?

“If a pan-India NRC is conducted, and two people are unable to prove their citizenship: one Muslim and one Hindu, because of CAA, the Hindu person would be granted citizenship, whereas the Muslim will remain an illegal migrant”.

(Nope, they won’t say the detention center bit.)

But is it true? No. At least, not fully.

The law is: Both will lose their Indian citizenship. But while the Muslim guy will be left to die, the Hindu guy has a way in, provided he — a) claims and proves ‘now’ that he has migrated from Pakistan, Bangladesh, or Afghanistan, b) proves that he was being “religiously prosecuted”, c) had migrated to India before 31st December 2014, and d) doesn’t belong to areas demarcated under Inner Line Permit (read, North Eastern States, except Tripura, Meghalaya, and Assam) or Sixth schedule of the constitution (i.e. tribal ‘reserved’ lands)

Now, think. How many people satisfy these criteria? RAW and IB say only 31,313.

So, Muslims are definitely f***d, but so are you.

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But that is not why this article is here for. This article is here to provide you with seven ‘common-sensical’ reason for why pan-India NRC is a very, very bad idea.

#1: Exclusions and Inclusions

Any exercise that is undertaken to prove something is bound to have at least two outcomes: many who are innocent will be convicted, many who are guilty will be acquited. Now, acquital is not an issue ‘coz its not hurting anyone but conviction of an innoncent is.

How likely is this? Consider this. For a country where even something as mundane as a question paper for some recruitment exam is so full of errors, where even a simple task of getting your name correct on a Voter card is a process in continuity, how are you gonna be sure that for something as big and complex as citizenship test of 130 crore people is going to go error-free? Assam NRC has already proved that. And given the bigotry of people involved in the exercise, you can bet who are the ones going to be excluded in larger numbers.

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#2: “Intentional” Bias is all too pervasive.

The ruling party, BJP and its minions have time and again said that no non-Muslims will be harmed. Even if they fail to pass the citizenship test, CAA will help (Aap Chronology samajhiye!!). Though it's not clear how non-Muslims will benefit, the impact of such statements will be massive.

Consider you are the officer in charge of verifying someone’s citizenship status? Also assume that you are a secular and a liberal man who believes in the unity of all religions (That’s a joke. If you are someone like this, you wouldn’t be in that position in the first place). How would you view Muslims and non-Muslims?

If you are sure that whatever be the outcome of your work, a non-Muslim person will be able to get his/her citizenship back, then why waste time verifying them? You would as well just let them be, even if they don’t have the necessary documents. Do you know who you are going to be strict against? You guessed it right. MUSLIMS.

Even if you are a Hindu and got unlucky, you can’t even prove that you are from Pakistan, Afghanistan or Bangladesh and hence can’t claim your way back through CAA, while a Hindu from Pakistan is able to. How is that even fair? You are calling upon your own citizens to prove their Indianess and you are freely dole-ing them out to non-Muslims from Pakistan.

The people who are involved in the exercise will be bureaucrats and their bias is something we all know about. Their personal intention is definitely going to creep in.

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#3: It is DEMONETISATION revisited.

Remember the time when you were gleefully standing in line for your own money thinking that the rich people with HUGE black money reserves are being taught a lesson? Oh! You gullible Bhakts.

For demonetization, the theory was simple: There are rich ‘elites’ who don’t pay taxes and have stored all their BLACK money in their homes in the form of 1000 and 500 Rupee notes. Those people would not be able to establish a source of this income, and hence they would be unable to deposit it and we will catch them. THIEVES CAUGHT. PERFECT TRAP! HAIL! MODIJEE.

All that you have to do is stand in the line and exchange your 1000 Rupee note with nano-GPS enabled 2000 Rupee note. PERFECT PLAN! HAIL! MODIJEE.

We all know what happened. Do you? The corrupt cronies found a way to not just deposit all their ‘BLACK MONEY’ but also got new currencies in advance. While you waited there in cold, not able to get married, saw your sick people die for money. In fact, one of those ‘elite’ found a way to deposit all of it in his ‘personal’ cooperative bank and is currently serving as our HM.

NRC WILL BE THE SAME.

Millions of poor, genuine Indians will be forced to stand in line, leaving their jobs aside, hoping that “infiltrators” will not be able to produce their documents and will be kicked out. You will think that just like Demonetisation, your pain is nothing compared to the good you are doing. Yahan Siachen mein hmare jawan lad rhe hain, aap toh sirf line mein hi khade hain. Ye sab deshhit mein hai. HOW GULLIBLE!

Let me tell you what will happen.

If you are the bureaucrat in charge of deciding who gets to be an Indian and who doesn’t, and you are fully aware that a person stands to lose a lot if you don’t put in a favorable word, would you even mind asking for a little favor yourself? You won’t. Let’s say 2000 Rupees to make sure that you make it to NRC? Why not! Why wouldn’t anyone bribe that much to have a good night’s sleep? If you or your families’ a** is on the line, does it matter how much you are willing to shell out? You would be compelled to give anything that the officer in charge demands.

If you think that’s not possible, just look at UP and its police. They aren’t just forcibly entering houses and robbing them under the disguise of search but are also asking for ransoms running in several lakhs.

In all this shitty exercise, who wins, who loses? Rich or Poor? Dalits or Upper castes? Man or woman? And how likely are you to trust the outcome of such a shoddy exercise? Would you be sure that it is going to be unbiased and fair?

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#4: There’s going to be a LOT of court cases.

Suppose my name is not on the rolls. Do you think that I will just pick my bags, pack stuff and leave? NO. I will fight the hell out of it. ‘Coz I have nowhere to go. How can I just sit and take from them that I don’t belong here?

Now, if I appear before the courts as a Hindu (Obviously!!) whose citizenship has been given a toss, what am I gonna say? I will say that this govt. is out of its mind. It has gone f**k**g crazy. It is happy to grant a Hindu from Pakistan Indian citizenship but is telling an Indian Hindu to prove that he belongs here. Are you seriously on board with this?

But there are some people who would still profit — a) Lawyers, who will have a new source of income. Let’s hike the fees, b) Judges, ‘coz why should lawyers have all the fun? and c) People with connections. The power brokers.

And not to mention that our courts are *not* so burdened already. JUSTICE WILL BE SERVED.

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#5: It will only generate more anti-Muslim rancor.

In normal times, people who sh*t through their mouths, usually remain at the fringe. But such is the condition today that the very same people are mainstreamed. They are the ones ruling the roost. They are the ones with the biggest trumpet.

Nowadays, its not unusual if you find your close relatives, family members, and friends saying something like this “Muslims have exploited us too much. They must be shown their place. I am happy this govt. is doing that”, or “They are the invaders. Its time to kick them out”, or “Why are Muslims so agitated over CAA? Why are they always violent? It’s their culture. They must be taught a lesson”, or “Good Muslims are like Abdul Kalam”, or “Muslims have many countries but Hindus only have one. If they have any problem they can go to Pakistan”, or “Muslims are descendants of Mughals, of Aurangzeb. They don’t belong here”. The list is endless.

And such thoughts are thrown away so casually because people in power have emboldened them to do it. They themselves do it. It’s no surprise that the prime minister who doesn’t open his mouth when needed goes in an election rally and proudly says that “Those who are engaging in violence can be identified by their clothes”. We have normalized bigotry and NRC is only going to strengthen that.

What do you think is gonna happen if you disenfranchise millions of Muslims? Where will they go? Would you really be in a position to judge them if they turn against you? Begin to hate you?

NRC’s only purpose is to use it as a tool to drive more wedge between Muslims and non-Muslims. Hate only begets hate. Have we learned nothing from history? How would we? For a nation that takes pride in churning out dumb-headed Engineers and Doctors, fields like History and Civics sound like third grade and the people who pursue it, anti-nationals (read JNU, AMU, etc.)

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#6. The Government will come to a standstill.

During the time of elections, where does the workforce come from? They are pulled from different govt. departments, PSUs, state dept., schools, etc. Teachers, clerks, lower level govt. employees, you name it.

Already notoriously famous for being inefficient and lazy, events like elections affect work. Many files get stuck. Work at govt. dept. comes to a standstill. Now, think of what will happen if instead of one election in one state, the entire country goes for NRC. Not just will the entire country come to a standstill, but so will its stability.

And unlike elections, NRC isn’t even needed. Who did the cost-benefit analysis of such a shitty idea? Are they the same minds who came up with demonetization gem?

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#7. The financial cost incured will be humongous.

It isn’t just the govt. workforce and the general populace that will be forced out of its constructive work and get invested here. A lot of money will be too. And if there’s anything that Assam NRC has taught us, it’s that such stupid ideas aren’t cheap. If a small state like Assam had to waste almost 2000 crores (with unpaid obligations still left) for just 3% of the Indian population, think of the money that’s going to be wasted here, money which can be invested elsewhere. Our economy is f***d, employment is down, inflation is rising. We are virtually staring at stagflation. But all you want is NRC. All you want is to find a way to punch Muslims in their face and keep your rabid voters happy and stupid.

And what happens once NRC is done and millions are left disenfranchised? Where will they go? Where is the money going to come for your nazi style detention centers? Who will pay for the vast litigation cases? You aren’t just putting your money down the drain, you are also pulling people away from their jobs, the very jobs which were contributing to our economic growth.

And believe me, they aren’t going to stop there. Today they are going after Muslims. They are their enemies. Tomorrow they will make Dalits their enemy. A day after tomorrow, Women. The next day, OBCs. They won’t stop. They will constantly create “other” enemies to keep your blood boiling and you will merrily laugh by until you yourself become one.

BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT YOU F**K**G DESERVE. THIS IS WHAT YOU F**K**G VOTED FOR.

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Let’s end this article with a thought experiment.

Have you ever experienced getting anything done from the government? For example… getting a loan sanctioned for your studies, or trying to correct a mistake with your electricity bill for the month, or getting even a document get attested by govt. officials…? How was your experience?

With NRC the same experience is going to be experienced by millions of people. Running from one dept. to another. All for nothing. Because the results are not going to help anybody. The only ‘good’ you will get out of this is to satisfy your lust for Muslim HATE. All that it will end up doing is making the Muslims suffer more (than you).

P.S.: An even brilliant (and better) breakdown by Palkesh Asawa can be read here.

Not an expert.